“More than anything, I realized, ‘Ah, I don’t have to smile’.”
This is what one participant said on the last day of the “Training to Improve Daily Coping Skills” that took place in a small town in southeast Jeju for 8 weeks. She said that she had long been concerned that she ‘looked like a pushover.’ She said that she had diffic 오션파라다이스예시 ulty refusing requests from others and that the times she had tried to please others in order to be loved were recorded in detail in her diary. Through this training, she finally gained the ability no 온라인릴게임 t to smile, and she was practicing it in her daily life.
As the instructor for the program, and as a fellow citizen trying to produce better responses to issues in my everyday life, I think 바다이야기슬롯 I’ll remember her saying that for a long time.








▲ Learning about the base 사이다쿨바다이야기게임 of support. Many participants were unfamiliar with the mechanisms of even simple bodily movements. (Photo credit: Jeju Women’s Association 2030 Committee)



릴게임5만The joy of speaking up for the first time - ‘I can’t keep this good thing to myself!’
The first time I encountered feminist self-defense training was in the spring of 2007, when I was 21 years old, while participating in the planning team for a program at the Korea Sexual Violence Relief Center called “Training for Teen Girls to Become Different Bodies - Beyond Your Gaze.”
For over three months, I moved my body and used my voice alongside the teenage ‘girlz’ (the participants in the program at the time were called ‘girlz’ instead of ‘girls’ to give them a slightly tougher image), experiencing new possibilities for my body outside of the norms of femininity. Above all, it was really fun.
This was, so to speak, the 'red pill' of my life. From then on, there was no going back.
Changes in daily life followed. At the time, the student I was tutoring was starting to pay me later and later, and although everyone told me to confront them about it, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to. However, with the weekly practice in raising my voice firmly and destroying wooden boards, plus arguing with some old men at bar where we had our after-party, I absorbed these teachings into my body again and again, and finally one day I was able to speak up.
“Uh… you know… it seems like you keep paying me late…”
It wasn't a firm and cool voice like in the practice room. I thought to myself, 'Shoot, I’m not doing this right,’ and I was disappointed. But still, from the next month, the money started coming in on the right date. The experience of being able to effect change, even if it wasn't with the ideal cool speech, made a strong impression on me.
With a mindset of ‘I can’t keep this good thing to myself!’, I organized several 10-week self-defense training sessions with my friends under the name of “Let’s Fly!” In addition, at the high school where I did my student teaching internship, I trained and drilled the female students on effective strikes and refusal skills.
Before I knew it, I became a self-defense training instructor, and this year, I am conducting the “Training to Improve Daily Coping Skills” program with women living in towns and rural areas in Jeju.
 
Self-protection is learned in the body, not the mind
When people think of self-defense training, they often think of martial arts, but the most important thing I talk about in my workshops is boundaries. In my trainings, I define boundaries as “the power to distinguish between what is mine and what is not mine.”
For example, the power to refuse a request by saying, “That would be difficult.” And, even if I expect the other person to feel embarrassed or upset about my refusal, the power to realize that those feelings are theirs to handle, not mine, and to let go of responsibility for them.
The first time I encountered the concept of boundaries was when I participated in a program at the IMPACT Bay Area Center in San Francisco, USA. IMPACT is a non-profit organization in the U.S. that provides self-defense and empowerment training.








▲ The author (center front) with “Model Mugging” instructors from the IMPACT Bay Area Center in San Francisco, USA. The picture was taken at Hwa Rang Kwan Martial Arts Center, the setting for the [Korean-language] webtoon San Francisco Hwaranggwan. (Photo credit: Shin-yul)



With IMPACT, trainers who are fully clad in protective gear take on the role of assailants, and trainees repeatedly practice defending themselves and counterattacking in threatening situations that are staged as if they were real. The concept most emphasized in the training is that of muscle memory. Through repeated drills, the body becomes able to react automatically even in a crisis situation.
At the same time, another concept they emphasize is boundaries. They repeatedly stressed the importance of being able to recognize and set not only physical boundaries, but also emotional and psychological boundaries.
My IMPACT instructors constantly trained us in dealing with boundary violation situations. We role-played refusing a request to borrow a pen, or countering an invitation to an unwelcome activity with a suggestion to do something we’re comfortable with. We practiced speaking in a way that protected us even while under emotional pressure.
Even after the training was over, other participants and I would send emails to each other about our experiences with “BOUNDARY!” in all caps. And one thing stuck with me the strongest: boundaries are learned not in the head but with the body!
 
Responding honestly to situations that I used to just accept
My experience at IMPACT has become the foundation of the classes I teach. The Training to Improve Daily Coping Skills is not just about surviving in emergency situations. Of course, we also practice using our bodies and asking for help in dangerous situations; but more importantly, we train ourselves to put a stop to situations in our daily lives that we used to just tolerate and reorient them in the direction we want.
It's the work of connecting your body and mind so that words like, "Just a moment," "Please stop that," or "I'll take care of this myself," can come out of your mouth in the tone you want.








▲ Training on basic response posture. This is a training that combines boundary-protecting nonverbal and verbal responses to ingrain them in your body. (Photo credit: Jeju Women’s Association 2030 Committee)



At the start of each week's session, we sit in a circle and share our experiences from the past week—moments when we set boundaries, or moments when we didn't, and how we felt afterwards.
“I got a call asking me to help out at an event. Last time this happened I’d felt I couldn’t refuse. But this time, I took a beat and then said no. My heart was pounding so hard.”
“There was someone who kept blabbing everything I told her to others, so I spoke to her privately and said, ‘What you’re doing isn’t right.’”
(Regarding suggestions made by others:) “In the past, I would have just smiled, said, ‘Okay!’ and went along, but this time, when it was something I didn’t want to see, I just said, ‘I’m good,’ and left it at that.”
We applaud each other’s small successes, and when one of us experiences regrets about how she handled a situation, we brainstorm better responses together. We grow by listening to each other's stories in this way every week.
When I conduct trainings on response skills with participants living in rural Jeju, as well, we practice engraving into our bodies phrases to protect our boundaries.
The most interesting phrases have been “Please speak from there (where you are)” and “Please go back there and talk.” The countryside is a place where boundaries are blurred. There are people who feel entitled to suddenly come into our yard, our vegetable garden, and even inside our house. Spatial boundary violations that are hard to imagine for those used to living in apartment buildings occur on a daily basis.
When one participant said the above sentences, which mean, "Let's talk in a space other than the space you have just invaded," it set the other participants abuzz. I heard murmurs here and there that these were very useful sentences and resolutions to practice them. These are sentences that are never mentioned during self-defense training in Seoul or other metropolitan areas.
 
“Training to understand the limits and possibilities of my body”
When we fail to protect our boundaries, we often blame ourselves, saying, “Why didn’t I speak up?” or “Why did I just smile like an idiot?” But it’s not really our fault. We have been trained to respond that way since we were young. A daughter who goes along to get along, a child who is well-behaved, a student who tries to read the room—they were praised as a “good child” and a “good person.”
I want to emphasize this: what you did back then [in whatever situation bothered you] was not stupid at all. Whether you froze, avoided addressing it, laughed to relieve the tension, or even ran away, that choice was the best you could have made.
We are gathered here to develop the response skills that no one ever taught us. From now on, I can set my boundaries in my own way.
We can avoid traps like the fear of not being seen as ‘nice,’ the desire to quickly escape from awkwardness and silence, and the prohibition, “The countryside is dangerous, so you can’t move there,” and instead develop the ability to feel and utilize our own bodies and minds. A sense of self-efficacy, not fear, awaits us.








▲ Practicing striking posture with participants in a self-defense training workshop. (Photo credit: UNNInetwork) *Related [Korean-language] video: Interview with a participant of ‘Feminist Self-Defense Training - The Body That Shouts and Responds’



I would like to pass on a phrase that I have used as a lighthouse during my time trying to share better coping skills and wisdom as a self-defense instructor.
“Self-defense training is not training to become stronger, but training to understand the limits and possibilities of my body.” – Kwon-Kim Hyun-young (foreword to the Korean version of Thomas Mathieu’s The Crocodile Project, published by Blue Knowledge, 2016)
I want more people to have the opportunity to explore the possibilities of their bodies. To be able to build relationships while respecting their boundaries and those of others. To be able to live where they want to live and not be confined by the words, “You can’t live there because it’s dangerous.” To have more and more choices in life.
For that possibility, we will keep gathering and training joyfully, tomorrow and the day after. [Translated by Marilyn Hook]
 
About the Author: Shin-yul is the head of Annyeong Gongjakso [Hello Workshop]. She is a self-defense instructor, the captain of FC Sanjunghogeol, and a National Singing Contest Popularity Award winner. These are her proudest achievements. She lives with her partner and one old dog. Instagram: @shinyul___
 
*Original article: https://ildaro.com/10198 Published June 5, 2025

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